I had the pleasure of listening to a great presentation by Gabby Bernstein, author of “The Universe Has Your Back” and she shared 4 things you need to do to heal your wounds and develop personally and spiritually.
The 4 steps are applicable whether your wounds are from emotional trauma, physical trauma, sexual trauma or any other type of trauma that has impacted you emotionally and your sense of self. Now please note that these steps do not replace previous medical/therapeutic/medication advice. This is something you can add into your current practice, NOT replace.
Many traumatic events leave us with feelings of guilt, shame, unworthiness, anger and vulnerability that shaped the stories/experiences of our life. Some of these feelings can even be repressed. If you are wondering to yourself, “why can’t I seem to be able to move forward with my life, or achieve this goal I so badly want,?” Perhaps there is a blockage somewhere, something we are resisting that is preventing us from getting or achieving that goal.
I work with individuals who experience chronic persistent pain, which in itself can be a traumatic experience, or maybe you had a car accident or work injury or sports injury that has forever changed the course of your life. How do you begin to move your life forward after these experiences.
Step 1: Acceptance
This is probably the HARDEST step. Accepting the things that have happened to us, accepting the past, accepting the feelings we have about the situation right this moment. Acceptance doesn’t mean taking “off the hook” or minimizing what happened, or trying to forget. Acceptance doesn’t make it okay, in that moment. Acceptance is recognition that our lives have changed, accepting the good, the bad, and the ugly.
Acceptance is about honouring our wounds/feelings without treating ourselves like a victim. As the victim we may feel like we have no choice or control. We have no control or choice over the trauma that happened but we do have choice on how we move forward, grow and heal our wounds.
Acceptance allows us to recognize the hurt and then make the choice to seek out the professionals that can help us move forward on our path. Acceptance is what opens the door for us to look at ourselves in a new light, as innocent and as worthy that lets us heal our shame.
Step 2: Prayer
Prayer comes in many forms. Most individuals think of prayer in terms of religious prayer and that is totally applicable here. For others who are perhaps not particularly religious, what does prayer mean, what does it look like?
Prayer can be a saying. Something you say out loud, something you say quietly, something you say to the universe, it can be an internal feeling of surrender. It could look like this,
“I can’t keep going like this,” “I need to think differently about this,” “I want to feel differently about this,” “I need help, “I just need some answers” are just a few examples.
Putting the message out, lets the universe or God or some other higher power or the cosmic energy to receive our message and send help. Help will come in many different ways if we are open to receiving. One step to opening yourself to these solutions is acceptance that you need it, in the first place.
Step 3: Reconnecting with our Inner Child, Our Innocence, God
Whether the trauma is something from childhood or something recent, it has the ability to affect us in the deepest layers of our meta-physical being. It can call into question, who we are, why we are here, what is our purpose and is powerful enough in some cases to make us completely disconnect from ourselves. Instead of bringing us closer to trying to understand, we lock down the doors and disconnect from ourselves because it is painful and uncomfortable and hard.
We can disconnect from ourselves in many different ways, drugs, alcohol, over-working, becoming anti-social, disengaging from physical activity, disengaging from work, saying no to good opportunities and saying yes to not so good opportunities. There are some many ways we can self-destruct or self-sabotage ourselves.
So how do you begin to reconnect?
First you have to accept. Second you have to pray for the help, pray for change and pray for the answers. Then when answers and opportunities come to you, you need to say YES. For example, you’ve been wanting to talk with someone about the troubles you’re having but couldn’t figure out who or how, then you meet or are introduced to a therapist. Saying YES to healing and change is going to the first appointment. Saying YES, could be watching that motivational video on YouTube, saying YES could be picking up that book or attending that self-healing seminar, etc.
Saying YES is about taking the action. Without the Yes the change you want and seek cannot happen because you didn’t say YES.
Step 4: Vulnerability
Once you have said yes working towards being less afraid to open up to the people closest to you. Letting people know where you are, what your struggling with, what you need help with. This might be one of the things you begin to work on. If you haven’t heard of Brene Brown, google search her TED Talks. She has studied shame for many years. What she found was that the people that are the happiest are the ones that can be vulnerable. I highly recommend her talks.
Going through this alone is hard, I encourage you, find the people, find the professionals, find the resources that will guide you back to yourself, back to feeling worthy and that is where the magic of transformation begins. Its not always easy but with the right help, when you look back you will be amazed at your ability to grow, change and be happier.
References:
Information presented came from a presentation by Gabby Bernstein from The Self Acceptance Summit 2017.
Written by: Madelaine Golec PT